Controlling Temper and Showing Respect

i wasn't able get a good sleep last night and woke up on the wrong side of the bed. a couple of months before december last year, we had some problems with the renewal of our taxi's franchise. the people that were supposed to expedite the renewal process actually made things worse. this scenario wasn't new to us. this happens each year, everytime the taxi's franchise or line is up for renewal. apparently, tatay chose the wrong people to ask help from. it takes a month or two before all the paper works and legal issues are settled and finished. to me, it's really unusual. i sensed something was wrong, either with the system at LTO or with the people that my father was dealing with.

one day while the taxi was up for registration again, tatay came from LTO with a bad news. it now became clear to us why everytime the taxi was up for registration, why we were faced with so much delays and why amusing reasons for the delays were given to us by the fixers at LTO ( that's the appropriate word - fixers). what caused all the mess was the decision of my father to sell our other taxi's line to another person (a couple of years before), thinking that each taxi has individual line, which he could sell without affecting the other existing line. and so he did that. it turned out, he was approached by these fixers at LTO, who he considers his friends, and talked him into selling the line of one of our taxi which he planned to drop, without explaining to him the big picture. there were court hearings that tatay attended, documents that he prepared. they sold it. the fixers got their share - bigger than what tatay got. after a couple of years, we learned that what tatay sold was the whole franchise, not just one of the taxi lines from that franchise. he wasn't aware since it he was made to believe that he was selling just one line, not the whole franchise.

last month, i pressured tatay to take care of it once and for all and he did. he was able to find someone, a higher-up in LTO, who was able to help him to finally solve that problem. now the mundane problem that we are facing is how to find a good and honest driver. we tried hiring several drivers but no one really lived up to our expectations. either they showed no concern for the vehicle or they want to set their own terms as to how long they want to be on the road. my position on this is that they do not have to rush, it's better for the taxi to stay idle than get a driver who's a real pain in the ass, anyway we can get by without the taxi's income at present. maybe my parents don't want to be a burden to us that's why a couple of days ago, they decided to hire someone to drive the taxi without my knowledge.

it turned out this guy is a typical filipino kanto guy na medyo makapal ang mukha. last night, he passed by the house to ask my father if he could use the taxi to bring his wife ( she's works for our neighbor) home to caloocan, because she got drunk. fine. i appreciate his concern for his wife. but his wife's getting drunk was neither our concern nor our responsibility. plus, the taxi is some form of a business for us where we derive our income from, it is not intended for charitable purposes, espicially getting some drunk person home. tatay gave this stupid driver the nod and until early this morning hasn't returned or called up yet. tatay took time out to find someone who knows how to get in touch with his wife. on my way to work, my sister texted me that they were able to contact the driver and that he will be returning the taxi this afternoon, when the number-coding will be lifted for several hours (the taxi is number-coded today). to me, this is a big display of disrespect and opportunism. to think that he only started driving for us a couple of days ago, he had the nerves to ask my father to use the taxi for personal purposes. i would be more considerate if it was an emergency case but it wasn't. his wife got drunk. and it is non of our business.

so what's my point? why am i fuming mad?

because of what transpired, i again lost my temper and blurted out disrespectful words to my father, though not directly. i regret what i did. i wanted to embrace my father and apologize for what i have said. but i'm not good at that. we weren't raised that way. i was again disrespectful to my father. i hate myself for doing that and i hate myself for not being able to control my temper. fuck! i kept reminding them not to get a driver hastily because i know things like this could happen. and it did. i became a monster again because of some stupid and idiot driver, who didn't deserve to be given the chance to work for us or perhaps anybody for that matter, in the first place. i love tatay no doubt. but sometimes in my desire to protect them and my family from vultures like that i become a vulture, too. i don't intend to take whatever dignity is left of my father. i know i have been doing this time and again. he is my father, my tatay, and i should not cross that line. i should not meddle with his decisions, trespass his territory or cross that line that separates a father from a son as far as decision-making is concerned. i am terribly sorry for what i did, for the things that i said. those words, never could i take them back. i am trying so hard, so hard for this not to happen again. but it did. i hope and pray this will be the last time. forgive me tatay. i love you and i respect you as my father.

Confucious

i was never really a fan of conficious. But yesterday as i was watching a travel channel on tv, i came across this quatation from him which really hit me. It doesn't matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop. i realized it was important to always take our time, not to rush, or not to do things at a pace others do it because you are not them.

sometimes i tend to want to accomplish things fast. i want to own and accomplish things overnight, as if a fairy god mother of mine will use her magic wand to grant my wishes instantly. worst, i want to learn things fast. maybe i want to impress myself. may it be work-related or leisure-related, i want to learn new things fast, and everytime i do so, i end up knowing a little. i guess i have to have these words tatooed on my skin. these words are applicable to anything, and i mean anything. he's right, the distance you will travel or the amount of knowledge you will learn will never depend on how fast you travel or absorb things, rather it depends on when you will stop. patience is indeed a virtue.

New Year 2005

happy new year to all!! new year, new life, new hope, new me!!!

New Year 2005

happy new year to all!! new year, new life, new hope!!!

December 2004

Merry Christmas to all!!!!!!!!! Happy birthday Jesus!!!!!

The "Guitar Man" khalvin with, ahem, the ever-proud dad(kuya?)!


Guitar Man

Just bought my son his new electric guitar. He's been practically begging me for one few months ago but i said he has to improve his grades first. I'm not really sure if he plans to join a band this early. I hope not. thanks to my sister mar, she gave the kid 5k and that left me with no choice but to shell out another 5k to buy the guitar with matching amplifier. I would have wanted him to ask for a drumset instead. Personally, i love drums better than guitar. the sad part is, they don't love me.

i went to mass early this morning for the misa de gallo. i went early so i can take a good seat where i can see the priest, tho seated outside. i prefer to sit outside the church because there's enough air to breathe there. inside, it's too crowded and it becomes hotter as the mass goes on. i was seated alone for a while when i saw a figure on my peripheral vision. as i turned my head to the right, i saw father jerry! father jerry, the priest that i met in a drinking session is a young, vibrant and modern priest. he readily recognized me and gave me that big, warm smile. he sat beside me and told me he saw mang bob and mang ed recently. i recall during our drinking session that he was telling me that i should have a "customized" oscha. bigger than the one priests are eating during the mass. he warned me that once he sees me inside the church, we will include me in the sermon and call my attention to tell me to transfer to the front seat during the mass so people will see who he is talking about. loko talaga si father. si mang narsing kasi. tinanong si father kung ano ang parusa sa mga chickboy, sabay turo sa akin. i jokingly replied to father that i was going to make sure he will not be able to see me inside the church, to which he replied - "you cannot hide from me, i stand on an elevated part of the church, you will not escape my attention!". everybody let out a loud laugh after hearing that.

father went on to read his bible and later on gave me a pat on the back to signal his exit. i'm expecting more encouter with father jerry and more kalog times. he's one priest who has a great sense of humor.

Sampaloc lake is the place to be..............and drink!!!!

Galing kami ng barkada sa san pablo kagabi. It was late afternoon when we got to san pablo, sampaloc lake to be exact. voltaire, a.k.a lolo voltaire, was anxiously texting us over and over again if we will be coming or not. our one-liner reply was - we're on our way!

before we reached town it started drizzling. we were caught in a traffic jam in alaminos, a town before san pablo. a 10-wheeler truck hit a jeppeney and were stucked in the middle of the road. my goodness, it took us at least 20 minutes to get through it.

after a few minutes from the accident site, we were greeted by a large arch saying "welcome to san pablo city". we were so happy and you could sense the excitement in each one of us. after making a few turns and some arguments whether to turn left or right, we finally reached the capitolyo. this is the city hall of san pablo. a big building which blends with the nature of the town - calm, relaxed, slow-paced. we went down the road leading to the lake and oh boy, what greeted us was the site of the very big, calm and beautiful sampaloc lake! it was drizzling. the raindrops were like diamonds shining all throughout the lake. the effect of the raindrops touching the serene lake was simply breathtaking! it seems to me i haven't seen this lake for ages. if i could just stay there forever and not worry about work or going to immigrating to another country.

seeing sampaloc lake gave all of us a different rush, a different high. you can see it in their eyes! the child in each one of us came out and we were like kids, curious kids, wowed by the awesome lake before our eyes. nature really is at it's best when left alone and not disturbed.

when we reached voltaire's place we hurriedly went to the grocery to buy, what else, beers! we also got some food for pulutan and breakfast. when we got back to the house we rang up rey and he came a few minutes after, with his wife and two kids.

at this time lope was also in batangas and was pleading for us to go visit his place. he texted voltaire where we were. silly voltaire! he told lope we're on our way there. so the guy, so excited for us to get to his place, orderd his kids to kill 2 of his chickens and cook them. he then went outside to the other side of the road to make sure we wouldn't miss the turn. he waited for hours - in vain!

it was all voltaire's fault. pinaasa yung tao, lasheng na kasi!

since it was raining we had no choice but to drink inside the house. the place was small but it's fine. no one complained how small the house was because what each one noticed was the remarkable hospitality of voltaire and his wife dahlia. they were too busy like bees roaming around the house making sure each of us gets our own share of attention.

we were so happy drinking, talking about the happenings in the past, especially involving rey when he was still driving for mang narcing. rey was his usual self, jolly and happy. each time he throws punchlines, all of us in the house lets out a loud laugh.

george was in a good mood, too. teasing me every now and then about the way i drive and that he decided to drive for us because it's safer. i really have to thank the guy, he drove for us back and forth.

jun also had his own share of stories to tell. rey was teasing him because one time they went to a girly bar, jun didn't wanna share his girl. it turned out, ngongo pala yung girl kaya tahimik! syeeeet!

after several hours of drinking, voltaire, couldn't walk anymore because he was too drunk. we had to "deliver" him, like what appliance centers do when you buy one from them, to his room. haha! lasheng si lolo voltaire, kailangan pang i-deliver!

after that we went to sleep.

in the morning, jun was complaining he couldn't sleep well because i was snoring so loud. george played a trick on jun by pushing his head under the bed while sleep. when jun tried to get up, he hit the edge of the bed! they were telling me my snore was like a car running at 120 kph! tangna, ang ingay nun!

we left san pablo around 8 in the morning. the drive back to manila was fast tho it was raining. i stayed at the back of the car while jun and george stayed in front. we were in manila before 10 in the morning, and to our surprise, globe was down for the whole of quezon city. we really must be back in manila! the rain did not stop. it was also raining continuously in manila. if there's one thing i regret, i was not able to take even a single shot of the lake or of us. the rain simply wouldn't stop. but definitely we will be back there - soon!

Rainy Monday

my car's number-coded for today. i am fucking banned from the road! except of course from 10am to 3pm. i decided to give larry a call and ask permission to work from home. well, he said yes and now i'm here at home - to work! i decided to write a little somthing first here before i buckle down to work. btw, thanks larry!

last night i drove around to look for nice lanterns. i found one for a reasonable price just a few blocks away from home. i did not get it yet. maybe later. christmas if fast approaching and i want to feel it early by putting up some decorations.

i need to finish this program that james was asking me to do. it's a small program to verify if a user has registered to our site or not. i need to finish it early to be able to visit sm city which i wasn't able to do over the weekend. i'll try to see if i can buy some stuff there.

it's beginning to rain again. but it's fine by me! i've learned to appreciate nature as i grow old. actually enjoy is the more appropriate word.